"Come To Me"

I’m in a season where I’ve been requiring a lot of rest. Up until this year, I could count on my fingers the number of school days I’ve missed. Now, mental health days and sick days seem to be a regular thing. Physical weakness and migraines because of mental illness are a habitual thing. I’ve already missed 10 days of school this year, and that’s not counting the times I’ve missed class to go sleep in the nurse’s office. We’ve become good friends. 

Something I’m learning this season however, is where my worth truly comes from. When I’m attacked with weakness and headaches, the only thing I can do is rest. The only thing I can do is sit God’s presence and let Him sing His songs over me. I used to tell people I hated naps because I could never fall asleep. Truth is, I hate naps not because I can’t fall asleep, but because of what they are: rest. Abstaining from work. I hate feeling helpless and being forced to rest. Guilt washes over me. The attacks start to come. “You SHOULD be doing this.” “What about that paper that’s due next week? When are you gonna do it?” “Stop being such a lazy bum and get up and do something with your life.” When I’m sick or tired, I tell myself I HAVE to work. I feel guilty if I don’t. I find myself fighting too hard and forget to just be. I fall into the lie that my worth, love, and acceptance comes from performance and perfection.  I begin to beg God for answers to my persistent questions. I forget that when God says “come to me,” He doesn’t promise us answers. He promises us rest. I forget that I am fully known and fully loved for just being me. 

I’ve recently come to see my sick days as gifts from God. It’s Him reminding me that I’m not resting enough and that I’m fighting too hard. It’s an invitation to stop and catch my breath; to remind myself of my identity; to fall asleep in an ocean of His peace; to journal about His truths; to let who He says I am fall afresh on my skin; to remind myself that I am fully known and fully loved, just by being. 

You friends, are fully known and fully loved just by being you. Nothing you do can change that. I pray that this truth is something both you and I rest in!