Lessons from a Four Year Old

Getting out of bed after 9 hours of sleep is already a battle. Try 6 hours and I’ve got a seemingly impossible task in front of me. When my alarm went off at 6:30 AM, I stayed in the haven of my warm bed for 20 more minutes, debating whether or not I wanted to show my face to the world that morning. But I decided to be brave. I got up. 

The first three classes at school were torture. My mind was foggy. I felt like I was going to pass out. All I could think of was how tired I was. I went to the library during my free to attempt to read, and ended up falling asleep (patagonia fleeces make amazing pillows). I woke up to a gentle tap on the shoulder from a sweet girl in my choir class who I barely talk to. My groggy and confused expression must have said it all. “The bell’s about to ring. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t dead or anything,” she exclaimed, half jokingly and half seriously. And then before turning to leave, she whispered to me, “I believe in you.” I believe in you. Those four words changed just about everything. The day got easier after that. It was still drained in every way, but Jesus was my sustainer. He gave me all I needed to get through the day. He gave me rest in the form of intentional conversation, which re-energized me. 

If that wasn’t enough, God went farther. That same day, an appointment I had scheduled right before work ran late. Frazzled, I ran into the classroom only to find a packed, loud, bustle of kids. Two of whom had just walked in and were teacher-less. My co workers breathed a sigh of relief and within 10 seconds, I was sitting down with these two brothers. They immediately started fighting over a pencil and both of them ended up in tears. A room filled with chaos; kids who have spring fever and don’t feel like studying; now add two screaming crying brothers to the picture. But that’s when the younger one, who had just turned four years old, looked at me and said in his adorable voice: “You’re beautiful. Did that just make your day? I tell my mom that every day.” And then he started doing his work again, as if none of the past 3 minutes of fighting had existed. I almost started crying myself. Because in that moment of chaos, those were the exact words I needed. 

The words we say, change people. You can think the truth in your head, but there’s always a part of you that doesn’t believe. I can tell myself I’m beautiful because Jesus says so and He doesn’t lie. I can trust that so and so loves me, but hearing them say, “I love you,” “You’re beautiful”, solidified those things in my head that day. When my friend and my student spoke those God given words, I felt like it was God speaking those words directly to me. Hearing my friend say “I believe in you” changed everything because I realized that God says that to me every moment. When getting out of bed seemed impossible that morning, Jesus was there whispering to my soul, “I believe in you. I believe in you.” Hearing my four year old tell me I was beautiful, made me realize that even in that moment of chaos, that’s how Jesus was thinking of me. God used a four year old and a friend whom I barely see, to speak truths over my life that I couldn’t access in the moment. Those truths drastically changed the course of my day. 

My prayer is that we would follow these examples. That we would listen to the Holy Spirit and speak truth into people in moments where they can’t access it themselves. 

The Courage to do Hard Things

I love John 16:33 "Take Heart for I have Overcome the World". I have these words on a poster directly above my bed, and they're the first thing I see when I open my eyes. In one of my favorite books, Levi Lusko transformed this verse for me:

"It's interesting that [John] writes Take Heart, because heart is also translated as courageousness. So he is saying Take Courage. We generally think of courage as an emotion or attribute that you either have or don't. Not so. Jesus' command is for you to take it from His hand--as much as you need" (Levi Lusko). 

I've come up with a definition for bravery recently. Bravery is having the courage to do hard things. It can be letting Jesus pick you back up even though you've fallen a million and one times. Being on the outside who you are on the inside. Choosing to believe who Jesus says you are even when everything in you feels the opposite. Getting out of bed and doing something with your life, even when you have no energy. Deciding to trust God when your future is uncertain. Choosing to see what God says is there instead of what you see in front of you. Showing your flaws and scars, because there's a difference between a wound and a scars (a scar is healed and in fact made up of STRONGER tissue than before the injury), and there is ever so much grace. 

These hard things differ for everyone. Whatever they may be however, we cannot do them on our own. We can't muster up enough courage on our own. To have courage, we must take courage, take heart. Jesus is standing with His palms wide open, holding all the courage we'll ever need, and all we have to do is take it. 

So let's take it. Let's take heart and take courage. Let's be a brave generation full of world changers.

Through The Eyes of a Lion

My minute obsession with lions began my freshman year, on a retreat. Someone saw a vision for me during worship. They saw a lion who thought he was stuck in a cage, yet the doors were wide open and all he had to do to be free, was to walk out. I didn’t realize how prophetic that vision was, as years later, I would come to understand that vision and proceed to walk out of the cage. 

Then there was The Lion King. One day, I watched the Lion King three times with a sick cousin of mine. The parallels between the movie’s plot and the Gospel, blew me away, and still do to this day. And I’m sure we’ve all heard of Aslan, the Lion in the Chronicles of Narnia, who pretty much represents Jesus. 

But lions have become more important to me recently, because I am learning to see life through the eyes of one. 

Lions are 6 times better at processing light than humans. Lions can stretch their pupils 3 times more than we can. And get this, God painted that white stripe under their eyes, so they can maximize glare. So even in the dimness of the moonlight, lions can maximize the amount of light available to them. Lions don’t have access to more light than we do; They are just better at using it. I want to maximize the amount of light that I see. I want to see things that my rods and cones can’t see. I think so often, we see what is right in front of us: (our bodies wasting away day by day, our present troubles that seem to block that telescope of faith we have access to). But God is calling us to see what God says is there. So even though I see days of confusion and fogginess, God says He is my clarity. Even though I see death, God says He is the resurrection and life. Learning to see what God says is there, instead of what I see in front of me. 

Lions never walk on flat foot. They’re ALWAYS walking on their tiptoes. They are always ready to pounce at any moment. I want to walk on my tiptoes. When you’re on your tiptoes, you can see over things. You can see over the bad to get a peek at what’s around the River-bend. Because suffering is not an obstacle to keep God from using me; it’s an opportunity to be used by Him through it. Where there is impossible pain, God brings incredible power. God always uses suffering for His glory, so whenever I see pain, I want to get on my tiptoes to see past it, and think “I can’t wait to see what God will do through this.”

Lions hunt in groups. Lionesses hide in the bushes while the male lions give a huge roar that can be heard from 5 miles away (Ever wonder why lionesses don’t have a mane? They couldn’t camouflage themselves in the bushes if they did have one. What a lioness doesn’t have, equips her for what she’s called to do). When the prey hears that roar, they run....run straight into the trap where the lionesses are waiting. The prey runs straight towards their fear. I want to run straight towards my fear. Because fear is necessary for there to be faith. If there wasn’t risk or danger, we wouldn’t need faith. But victory only comes my friends, when we do the things that terrify us. 

So let’s start living like lions. Seeing beyond what’s in front of us by maximizing His light, living with expectation by walking on our tiptoes, and finding victory by running right towards our fears. 

                                                               Ps, it's temporary :) 

A Lesson Learned from Pancakes

I was on a retreat this past weekend, and at one point, I found myself making pancakes for 60 people with a dear friend at 6:30 AM. We were delirious from the 5 interrupted hours of sleep we’d gotten the previous night, and I was running purely on Jesus and loads of coffee. It eventually came time for flipping the pancakes, but we only had a pan and a griddle with a raised center and edges that eventually sloped down. I watched as my friend’s pancakes turned out perfectly circular. When I battered my own griddle however, it sloped down the sides and the pancakes ended up looking like they had feet protruding out of them. On most other occasions, I would have heard the lies. “Your pancakes aren’t perfect. You’re a failure. Look at what you did?” Shame’s voice would be loud and I would have to stop and remind myself that because of grace, I could accept the truth (that I am perfectly imperfect and beautifully flawed). In this particular moment however, shame never had the chance to speak. It was silent. The two of us laughed at the crazily shaped pancakes, and I continued to flip pancakes without giving it a second thought. 

I used to think that shame was the opposite of grace. That moment showed me that love is. I have never doubted this friend’s love and care for me. Every time I see her, she hugs me and tells me how beautiful I am. I knew in that moment that she could care less about the shape of the pancakes, and even if she did, she didn’t love me any less because of it. 

That’s the way God’s love is for us. Unconditional, not based on circumstance, not a feeling or emotion, but the core of His being. God is the only one capable of loving us like this 100% of the time. And this love, agape love, conquers shame. 

I’ve tasted that. In that sweet moment, where my friend loved me through God’s agape love, shame didn’t even exist. If shame was a weed, grace would keep it from not growing too tall and not taking over my life. But agape would pull that weed out completely. 

Grace reminds me that I can receive that agape. Grace reminds me that I’m worthy of agape. But only agape, only unconditional love, can completely conquer shame and pull it out of my heart for good. 

So friends, let's fall into His perfect love for us, and watch our shame and fear disintegrate and disappear. 

Hey, love has conquered all your shame

I know you got things that you regret

But your story isn't over yet

It doesn't matter where you've been, don't forget

It's not what you've done, it's what His love is doing

It's not who you were, it's who you are becoming

Have you heard that He makes all things new

I believe His love's not done with you, no no

His love's not done with you

"If you would know Love, you must know Pain too"

I heard the parable of the sower with fresh eyes this week. After months of growth, with Grace defining me now instead of shame, I saw myself invariably, as every “bad seed.” The seed trampled on. The seed choked. The shallow seed. And that’s when God immediately began to speak to me through His word. God took that seed of truth before the enemy and before the lies could snatch it. And then, He planted that seed in my heart. 

I believe He does this with all of us. He plants seeds of truth in our hearts. Yet more often than not, the planting process hurts. It often takes trial and fire for us to realize we even need to be planted. God needs to clear out all the crap in our hearts to make room for the seed. While the planting hurts, however, it is always good for us in the end. 

One of my favorite passages from one of my favorite books goes like this, when the Shepherd is about to plant a seed into Much-Afraid's own heart: “It is so sharp that it slips in very quickly. But, Much-Afraid, I have already warned you that Love and Pain go together, for a time at least. If you would know Love, you must know pain too.” We forget that seeds have sharp edges. We forget that we are broken people with sin and worldly things in our hearts. For every inch deeper that seed has to grow, an inch of crap in our hearts has to be cleared out, so that seed has room to grow. In order to know God’s truth and identity, and in order for these things to take deep root in our hearts, we must know pain. If everything went wonderful all the time, we would have no opportunities to cling to these truths as if they were our lifelines. 

Pain is real. Days (sometimes weeks) of emotional pain, physical exhaustion from fighting so hard. These are real things. Yet so is growth. So is Truth. So is Hope and Identity.

The planting hurts but we can rest in the fact that the future is bright because of it. We will know love and truth that is so much sweeter than the pain.   Once the planting process is over and we have become deeply rooted in our identity, the truth and the life we find is so much sweeter. 

Then he pressed the thorn into her heart. It was true, just as he had said, it did cause a piercing pain, but it slipped in quickly and then, suddenly, a sweetness she had never felt or imagined before tingled through her. It was bittersweet, but the sweetness was the stronger. She thought of the Shepherd’s words, ‘It is so happy to love,’ and her pale, sallow cheeks suddenly glowed pink and her eyes shown. For a moment Much-Afraid did not look afraid at all.” 

As we continue to let God grow us deeper, the truth is all we have to hold on to. Hold the truth, trust the process.  Slowly, sometimes painfully, it will all start to come together. We’re never given more than we can take without Him. We will bend, but never break. For if we hold on and keep letting God plant seeds in our hearts, we may look back and find that the pain seems like nothing, compared to God’s deep rooted truth.

G.R.A.C.E

As I've been wearing my "Grace" key necklace for a little over two weeks now, God has continued to show me the depths and complexity of His grace. Days ago, I stumbled across a spoken word video about grace, and it has stuck with me. I wanted to share some parts of it with you, as well some words God has given to me and shown me, about grace.  

Simply put, grace is 

Gained

Righteousness 

At

Christ's 

Expense

It means that now we are seen as blameless and worthy. It means that God sees us the same way He sees His son, Jesus. We are fully made righteous. And we can fully accept that. The bible says that Noah, Abraham, David, and Joseph (the great leaders of the Bible), weren't righteous. They didn't have it all together. They fell, like we did. But somehow, we get to be called righteous. Even though I've made a whole lot more mistakes than Noah or Abraham or David or Joseph, I GET TO BE CALLED RIGHTEOUS. All because of GRACE. Grace is a 

Gift, that once 

Realized, 

Adequately

Covers

Everything

A gift that covers sins, past present and future. A debt paid. Mistakes gone. Sinking in the river like a stone. Still is sinking today. And will never stop. All because of GRACE. Grace is a call to 

Get

Ready

And

Come

Expectantly

because life without shame or condemnation is beautiful and abundant and free. Grace is

Giving

Redemption

And 

Communion to 

Everyone

because once we have freely received, we can freely give through the power of His name. Grace is 

Granting

Rest

After 

Condemnation

Ends 

because a 

Gap has been 

Realized

And

Connected

Entirely

A bridge has been built. A battle has already been won. We are victors not victims. All because of GRACE.  Grace is 

Grace

Received

And

Can't be

Earned

It's accepting the gift with humility and gratitude, knowing that you can never pay it back, no matter how hard you try. It's stepping into a movement to change the world. Therefore

God

Reigns

And

Christ is 

Exalted

Forever. All because of GRACE. 

Simply put, Grace is proof that

God

Really

Always

Can

Endure

Always and forever. In every storm and trial, in every mountain top and blissful moment, GRACE endures. GRACE is constant. GRACE is what God declares over us every day. And that, my friends, will NEVER change. 

Sometimes Things Fall Apart and They Have to be Stapled Back Together

Sometimes things fall apart, and you have to staple them back together

As a tutor for elementary school kids, I get a lot of questions. And while I oftentimes can't answer them, I love them because they make me think.

At work this week, one of my students asked me why I had a stapler on the desk (the curriculum packets we use ALWAYS rip apart at the seams, so I've resolved to keep a purple mini stapler on the desk so I don't have to keep getting up and running across the room every 10 seconds, praying my kid doesn't tear the room apart while I'm gone). Without really thinking, I answered "Sometimes, things fall apart, and you have to staple them back together." My student accepted this and then we sat in silence again as she got back to her "plus fours."

It's not just paper that falls apart and has to be stapled. Life falls apart. In less than 24 hours, there have been two deaths in our extended family/friends who are basically considered family.

Life falls apart at the seams very quickly.

My life has become so different recently and I often assume now that Jesus has healed my heart,  I can live the life I've always dreamed of living. Yet I'm still so oftentimes disappointed in the outcomes of my reactions, realizing that while things have drastically improved, there is still more healing and more work to be done in my heart.

Life falls apart so quickly.

Tragedy. Stress. Those days when nothing seems to go right. Facing your demons. Things often do fall apart, and you need Jesus to staple them back together.

Something Christine Caine always says has been on my mind a lot recently. The pain of recovery hurts a lot more than the pain of the injury. Falling apart hurts. That first phone call with bad news that you receive, hurts. Listening to shame, hurts. But when reality sets in and you realize how much damage has been done to your heart; You realize just how much healing has to be done...that hurts a whole lot more.

Luckily, we have Jesus as the One who gets to "staple" our hearts and our lives back together again. And as the recovery process is painful, our Savior knows the gentlest way possible. He sees things we don't see. He is the God of all Comfort.

I'm praying for you this week, friends, as you face the pain of recovery. Whether it's being healed from your past, being healed from loss (of person, of job, of relationship), whatever it may be, I pray that you may embrace the pain of recovery and lean into Jesus. Because yes, while things often do fall apart, Jesus is the best "stapler."